I know that I have struggled with body image issues for quite some time. I'm 28 (almost) years old and feel like I've been battling these issues for a long time. Until recently the first memory I had of these issues was from my Junior Year in high school. I was dating someone who told me that I was "cute, but not hot." I also overheard this person tell his friends that I was "not fat but not skinny either." Those comments coupled with the fact that I was in theatre (always trying to find costumes that fit for shows) caused me to do severely restrict my food intake and increase my exercise. I lost 25 pounds in 2 months. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure this did a number on my metabolism.
A few nights ago I got together with a friend from Jr. High. We had written each other a TON of notes back in the day and she had saved them all. We decided it would be hilarious to get together and read through them. It WAS hilarious...but it was also extremely enlightening!!
Every single note that I had written at age 15 discussed my weight and how I needed to lose more. 15?!?! The notes also depicted stories of other guys and their backhanded comments about my weight. It became very clear just how deep my body image issues were. I actually had written my weight in one note. It went something like this "I was so depressed today because I weighed myself. 140. 5 more pounds." This was interesting to me for 2 reasons. One, the fact that I thought 140 made me FAT (I'm 5'6"). Two, my goal weight at age 15 is the same goal weight I have at age 28!! 135 has more significance than I knew!
The significance that my friend and I placed on our weight back then made us so sad. Also the significance placed on what other's thought about our looks! I know that we're really no exception and most young teen girls experience these same feelings. We were just SO HARD on ourselves. We both were shocked. We joked about using all of these old notes to write a book for young teens. Maybe it's not such a bad idea? There's LOTS of material.
There were lots of laughs too. We both viewed it as quite the therapy session!
I'm happy that this happened because I feel like I'm finally getting to a place in my life where I can put these body image issues to rest. I know that a tiny bit will always be with me...but I'm ready to not have them hanging over my head constantly. It's really not about striving to look like someone or to have the perfect body or seeking other's approval. It's about being healthy and strong. And as long as I think I'm hot...that's all I really need ;)
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2 comments:
Wow - that is really enlightening indeed! And so great that your friend had saved all the notes!
I was 135 in middle school and thought I was fat (I'm 5'2.5"). Now 135 is my WW goal but I want to get to 120-125 (low end of my weight range is between 109-113).
I find it interesting that you still want to get down to 135, which is very much at the bottom of your range. Do you think now after seeing those notes it's because of what you thought in high school?
It's funny (and sad) how flawed our views are as young teens.
I chose 135 because it's right in the middle of my weight range (124-148). I'll probably reassess at 145. I was at 149 a few years ago and still had some weight to lose. We'll see though :)
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